shroud the body, hide it in the dark.
let the hair grow out, my nails grown long as knives,
my hands making masks over my eyes,
vines creep up, they roll the stones over in a shower of gravel,
to weave a cave, bark over my calves, my knees, my back, my neck,
until i wear a shroud of grave.

but under the press of soil,
my hands hold a staff of jerusalem thorn.
there is a star at my brow.
i am in the warren of lost things.
beneath the bark and leaves, i am a sleeping thing.
i can regain my light.
tonight i travel among the roots of the trees.
but i return, no more summoned than the birds.

still, do i long for bethany,
and can i reclaim it?

i spent the weekend in pursuit of simple pleasures. friday night at mimi's and bateau hivre with adrian, yesterday, a marathon of enjoyable things: dumplings on mott street, a couple of hours picking things out at the bookstore, a new dress and a handbag, a movie set on a spaceship, with monsters, dinner with my new book at a new restaurant (pink wine, clams casino and strawberries zabaglione), karaoke. this morning i slept until eleven a.m. and then erik and i went out to queens and had a feast at sri pra phai. back home, we fell into the couch and plowed through the DVR for a while. no gym, no dance class, nothing the least bit virtuous. nothing terribly satisfying, except in being kind to myself.

i'm doing laundry now, and working on a funny idea i had for a poem. if i can get it right it ought to be silly. going to see if i can pull samples of words from various online sources and make an audiopoem out of links. it seems fitting that these little scraps of verse about longing should be played, word by word, in robot voices.

it's going to be a long week of late nights at work, a balm to my peace of mind, via the debtfreein'10 plan. i wish i liked the job more, but at this level of compensation i suppose i can put up with a lot. anyway, all the time otherwise wasted in meetings i used instead, and made a bunch of lists. things to look forward to, things to do, people i should catch up with. ...for a while there i was pretty happy just to look forward to the end of the day, so it was a little daunting to sit down and write out a list of things like "thanksgiving at home, thanksgiving in wellfleet" and "solo trip to caribbean" and "christmas in spain with christy murphy and family," "dinner with erik and his momz at Esca." it all seems so far away, and so passing. wasn't i just in wellfleet for thanksgiving? wish i could rewind.

on reflection, though, i am confronted with my undeniable good fortune. maybe i can't have everything i want, but i am independent, a modest success, a licensed diver, surrounded by loving friends, employed, healthy as a horse, not utterly unfortunate-looking, and of course i am lucky enough to be able to spend a day like yesterday, pleasantly indulging myself.

i guess i should make more lists.