9.15.2008

RIP David Foster Wallace and the Banks of America

a quote from before the grave:

"Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. Think of the old cliché about quote the mind being an excellent servant but a terrible master.

This, like many clichés, so lame and unexciting on the surface, actually expresses a great and terrible truth. It is not the least bit coincidental that adults who commit suicide with firearms almost always shoot themselves in: the head. They shoot the terrible master. And the truth is that most of these suicides are actually dead long before they pull the trigger."

- from a commencement speech, DFW



8.29.2008

-Matt Pond PA, "Bring on the Ending"


half of all our lives are spent
encouraged by embarrassment
we hold our heads and stay asleep
and cannot hear
in case nobody called
follow the prim ones and sit on your hands

watch your step don’t hardly move

speak in hushed tones
till they bring on the ending
they bring on the ending

as we file to get outside
with all the same coats on
here it is december’s end

all our evaluations are in
the lowland’s goal is less than low
it’s good
so easy to have met them

august lit the weight this fall
the hold of trucks could carry us all
the hot exhaust
the thoughtless sleep
we’d run
and fall into the river
we’d meet up at night
pretty late by the falls
talk too fast without regret
with headlights and stars
it was brighter than the daylight
bodies all backlit
unconscious though we’re moving
stereo screaming

we’ll settle for stares
now un-glide with our hands
the basement is where we will live
and stick to the crowds
without ever speaking
we want it that easy
and don’t get caught dancing
even if you’re drinking

don’t get caught dancing

8.28.2008





Best Show on Earth


I'm still trying to get over
Revelations, the midseason finale in (the final) Season 4 of Battlestar Galactica. Perhaps because Admiral Adama and President Roslin were the adopted father and mother of the Fleet, the touching turn of their relationship in the final episodes of this almost-last season really stuck with me as the grand allegory for the series. They didn't fall in love so much as come up for breath and realize they had been loving each other all along, fathering and mothering, fighting for control, ceding and bargaining. As the humans and the fracking toasters had been, as the fleet itself had been, and yet in the end, the only way to get to Earth was to go hand in hand.

And Earth!
In an homage to Planet of the Apes, we alight at home in Brooklyn, gazing through the Temple of Aurora at the ruined Manhattan Bridge (rebar sticking out, here. no rebar in the brooklyn bridge.) The entire front line of the show, including the outed Cyclops Cylon, Saul Tigh, and his new (pregnant?) lover, Caprica Six, my beloved 'Starbuck,' Kara Thrace, Sam, Leoben (HOT), Momma Roslin and Daddy Adama with his banged-up hands cupping a handful of lifeless Earth, Apollo, now all grown up and rather presidential himself, DeAnna, Tory, Tyrol, they're all faced with this unsavory anticlimactic, radioactive end. Somehow, the Thirteenth Tribe of humanity has arrived at the same fate as the Twelve Colonies: they're slagged, and both humans and toasters are going to have to fight to survive. Well, way to take us back to the end, writers.

I can't WAIT until "early 2009" when the rumored ten final episodes comprising season 4.5 finally air. In the meantime, some interesting questions have been raised by fellow blogger Alan Seppinwall:
  • The identity of the final Cylon
  • The origin and nature of the entire Final Five
  • The origin of the rest of the skinjobs
  • The fate of the 13th colony, and what role (if any) they played in the destruction of Earth
  • The identity of the person/persons/entities that have been orchestrating all this, and what it means that "All of this has happened before and all of it will happen again"
  • The opera house vision and the fate of Hera
  • What exactly happened to Kara when she went into the maelstrom, and what she's really the harbinger of (sic)
  • Roslin's health
  • The true nature of Head Six, Head Baltar, Head Leoben, and all the other "angels"
  • Tigh and Caprica Six's baby
  • The whereabouts of Boomer and whether any of the 1, 4, or 5 models are still out there
For me, the identity, or at least the direction, of the Prime Mover is the central mystery that remains. If all this was fated, I want to know why!Or, as my girl Heather Havrilesky over at Salon.com said: "How did this happen? Where is the final member of the final five, and was he or she somehow involved in the destruction of Earth? Could there still be a happy ending for the colonists, somewhere down the line? Isn't it pretty to think so?"


Here is what the series' writer, Jane Espenson, my idol from the happy days of Buffy The Vampire Slayer had to say about the fate of her creations, on TV Squad: "I think the real reactions are yet to come, just like in life. The beauty of this episode is in its urgency, in the tumbling breathless slide that lands us on that grim gray ...beach... And -- oh -- that haunting devastated city there, with the massive ruined temple and our people trying to find their footing. That image just kills me. Every time I watch this episode, I well up with hope, and it lasts right up through that handful of soil, and then the radiation counter breaks my heart all over again. I do not easily tear up, but the race to the planet -- don't the ships look like they're running?"



But in the meantime I am leaving myself to enjoy a few sublime images, so I will share and share alike. If you haven't watched this show, please don't deny yourself the pleasure/pain any longer. You've got until January - I'm looking at you.

Grey's Anatomy has a moment of well-writtenness/fangeekery

Cement Boy: I'm a loser. I’m the guy who died stuck in a block of cement. I’m like Han Solo.

Dr. Bailey: (gives him a quizzical look)

Cement Boy: Y’know, Star Wars? He was encased in carbonite?

Dr. Bailey: Han Solo is not a loser. Han Solo got encased in carbonite and that was a big mess, but that’s not what he’s remembered for. He’s remembered as the guy who made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs. And who braved the subzero temperatures of the ice planet Hoth in order to save someone he cared about from the big ugly wampa. He’s remembered as the guy who swooped down at the last minute, blasted Darth Vader out of the sky, so that Luke could use the force and destroy the damn Death Star. Princess Leia saved him from the carbonite. They fell in love, and they saved the universe, and had twin Jedi babies that went on to save the universe again.

Cement Boy: (smiles)

8.27.2008


Turtle

by Kay Ryan

Who would be a turtle who could help it?
A barely mobile hard roll, a four-oared helmet,
She can ill afford the chances she must take
In rowing toward the grasses that she eats.
Her track is graceless, like dragging
A packing-case places, and almost any slope
Defeats her modest hopes. Even being practical,
She’s often stuck up to the axle on her way
To something edible. With everything optimal,
She skirts the ditch which would convert
Her shell into a serving dish. She lives
Below luck-level, never imagining some lottery
Will change her load of pottery to wings.
Her only levity is patience,
The sport of truly chastened things.



8.22.2008

lucy and desi


cuban and american, married and divorced, innovating and hamming it up, drinking and whoring while passionately devoted, dazzlingly talented and creative yet shrewd as hell. what a pair.

8.01.2008

The Operation of Grace, or, Radio Silence in the Long Night of the Soul

I perceive, by your letter, you are in doubt about the grace which passes interiorly from heart to heart. We notice an illustration of this in the woman who touched our Lord, when he said: “I perceive that virtue is gone out of me.” In a similar manner, without words, one heart may communicate grace to another heart, as God imparts grace to the soul. But if the soul is not in a state to receive it, the grace of the interior is not communicated, as is expressed in another passage; “If they are not children of peace, your peace will return to you again.” This illustrates, according to my view, pure interior communications of the grace of God, from heart to heart, which the soul relishes in silence, and which silence is often more efficacious than a multitude of words.

God would teach you... there is a silence of the soul through which he operates, filling it with the unction of grace, to be diffused on other hearts who are in a state of receptivity, often more efficacious than words to replenish the soul.

We find this still, harmonious action in nature. The sun, the moon, and stars, shine in silence. The voice of God is heard in the silence of the soul. The operation of grace is in silence, as it comes from God, and may it not reach and pass from soul to soul without the noise of words? O, that all Christians knew what it means to keep silence before the Lord.

Selected from Madame Guyon’s Spiritual Letters, pp. 59, 60

Nirvana "In Bloom" from Nevermind

Sell the kids for food. Weather changes moods.
Spring is here again. Reproductive glands.

He's the one who likes all the pretty songs.
And he likes to sing along. And he likes to shoot his gun.
But he knows not what it mean. Knows not what it mean. And I say yeah.
yeah...

We can have some more. Nature is a whore.
Bruises on the fruit. Tender age in bloom.

7.30.2008

For Scott: "Lie to me"

Buffy and Giles are waiting over Ford's fresh grave. Buffy is deep in thought and asks Giles if life ever gets easy. Just then Ford's vampire self emerges and Buffy wearily stakes her former friend. Giles asks Buffy what she wants him to say. She responds, "Lie to me." Giles replies:

It's terribly simple. The good-guys are stalwart and true. The bad-guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats and we always defeat them and save the day. Nobody ever dies…and everybody lives happily ever after.

Buffy retorts, "Liar."

7.29.2008

The Professional (Léon) 1994 dir. Luc Besson

Mathilda: I don't give a shit about sleeping, Léon. I want love, or death. That's it.

Mathilda: (weeping) I don't wanna lose you, Léon.
Léon: You're not going to lose me. You've given me a taste for life. I wanna be happy. Sleep in a bed. Have roots. And you'll never be alone again, Mathilda. Please, go now, baby, go. Calm down, go now, go.

when men were men and women were what?


"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens."
– Carl Jung

7.22.2008

tommy lee, how do i love thee?

Kay: No, ma'am. We at the FBI do not have a sense of humor we're aware of. May we come in?

what is it about movies from the seventies and eighties like Eyes of Laura Mars and Klute?

it seems like there used to be some sort of Geneva Convention for the War of the Sexes. Like mirror images, Tommy Lee as the unhinged-but-pole-axed-by-love Detective John Neville, and Big D. as officer John Klute represent a whole man. whether he is half-shadowed by a psychotic alter-ego or principled and yet open to the subtler charms of Jane Fonda's guarded call-girl, Bree Daniels, this man has a line in the sand. he knows where right ends and wrong begins, and he feels any transgression.

compare the ladies. bree and laura, the hooker and the fashion photographer, they are women of their times, metamorphosing as the moment demands. they've found independence, but lost the compass they need to navigate in the world. what good is it?

alternately, they aspire to something. Laura Mars (the God of War!) sees an ugly world, and her photographs hold up a mirror to violent, visceral life, yet, when she falls in love with Neville, her ecstasy in their mutual discovery is expressed by the detective, and she repeats after him, acknowledging the truth of his words. she knows about the difference between good and evil, but she can't tell which is which, even when it is literally coloring all that she sees, as she is plagued by visions of murder. yet, when John articulates this feeling of discovered love, she immediately recognizes the truth in his words.

on the other hand, Bree Daniels is managing the ugliest realities of life rather brilliantly, while failing in her attempts to become an artist, or at least an artist's model. her weakness is her pride, which compels her to alternate between coldly seducing and repelling him, while Klute's strength of character allows him to recognize the yearning heart inside her bitter and nearly hollowed-out pro.

on the other side of the mirror, the John Neville, who lives inside the killer, loves Laura Mars enough to die himself, rather than let her be claimed by his dark side, a rampaging serial killer, who must destroy Laura, and Laura's transgressive art. ultimately, he can't let his possessing persona murder the woman he loves, and so he begs her to become the killer, and spare them both.

i know there's a feminist angle here that i'm missing but i can't tell you what it is right now. i think that we might have thrown the baby out with the bathwater somehow.

no one is allowed to be complex anymore, lest they sell their souls, or bring down their own ruination. maybe, like a Prime Directive, certain antiquated gender ideas might allow for better relations between our numerous factions, and still allow for women with brains, and men with hearts, and vice versa. a dearth of wise rules does not prove there can't be wise rules, after all, and anyway you have to know the rules to break them with style.

in a world with no rules, even though nothing is considered wrong, nothing seems to be quite right.

6.12.2008

there's the inside and
there's the outside

the offering is not the candle
but the smoke that rises
lighter than the Word
which is to say
here, rise up to the sky:
be air

same so i am a costume i put on
and take off
the face you see
might be anything,
opening
the asteroid-snake
of my life,
here in time,
is ore inside the mountain
the salt in the green sea
i am
the visible
invisible

6.06.2008

heart-shaped box

this is the memory that just broke out:

when i was a little girl
i had a box
of things i could not lose
things to take if
i had to go
things i would carry with me

was it an old jewelry box? the family treasures?
a shoe box, filled with scraps of fabric from my grandmother's sewing room
a woven box, made of palm fronds, and filled with beads
three single earrings, a st. christopher medal, and bits of seashell.
a tiny scarab and a red stone.
a note.
and later, maybe a picture.
a time capsule
a love letter
to the moment

now i am the box, and i go picking scallop shells
and tiles of glass
and all the ground aglitter with mica
that blows in the wind

5.29.2008

we are objects in motion
ball bearings in a pinball universe
by-products of chemical reactions
our own bodies
sing the silent accord of a billion collisions
pinpoints
like a string of party lights
from the beginning of time
until the last laugh

4.09.2008

VanessaIAB (6:10:05 PM): http://www.amazon.com/Not-Quite-What-Was-Planning/dp/0061374059/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1204057941&sr=1-1
VanessaIAB (6:10:14 PM): i like this idea
VanessaIAB (6:11:13 PM): Scott Birch claims "Most successful accomplishments based on spite."
VanessaIAB (6:11:16 PM): yes
VanessaIAB (6:11:28 PM): what would your six word memoir be?
miguelina: (6:11:51 PM): my six word memoir:
miguelina: (6:12:04 PM): "she thought it would be better"
VanessaIAB (6:12:22 PM): hmm
VanessaIAB (6:12:26 PM): how about
VanessaIAB (6:12:33 PM): she saved the world. a lot.
VanessaIAB (6:12:35 PM): or
VanessaIAB (6:12:43 PM): hit by bus, didn't really mind?
VanessaIAB (6:12:46 PM): or
VanessaIAB (6:12:52 PM): plane went down over north pole
VanessaIAB (6:12:57 PM): or
VanessaIAB (6:13:06 PM): drowned in tragic scuba diving accident
VanessaIAB (6:13:11 PM): or
miguelina: (6:13:21 PM): not useful!
VanessaIAB (6:13:24 PM): took pills, smoked weed, drank by tv
VanessaIAB (6:13:44 PM): ate, pooped, slept, woke, cried, laughed
VanessaIAB (6:15:42 PM): here are some good ones from the book... "almost a victim of my family"
VanessaIAB (6:16:16 PM): "one long train ride to darkness"
VanessaIAB (6:16:17 PM): ha
VanessaIAB (6:16:23 PM): "i'm my mother and i'm fine?"
VanessaIAB (6:17:11 PM): "born in the desert, still thirsty"