Red's Eats, Wiscasset, Maine
10.14.2006
10.01.2006
9.25.2006
many rivers to cross
it's been the worst summer, everything all messed up in my head and in my heart. summer's over now, and winter is breathing down my neck, i need to buy a coat, i need to pick up my sweaters from the dry cleaners. i need to breathe until my chest is full of air, but i can't take a breath.
i had a dream two nights ago that new york was taken over by zombies. a blond man discovered me, holding out, and brought me to a safe house, but as we got to the door, fleeing from these miserable creatures, he told me that he was sorry, but that he found me boring and depressing and that we has going to have to leave me outside. as the door closed in my face, i turned to face the zombies and they bore me down into their smell and slimy arms and started eating me alive, and then less so, until i was one of them.
isn't fall supposed to be cozy and filled with glowing orange light from windows and, i don't know, pumpkins and red leaves and the smell of cinnamon? i feel like i'm in the whirlwind with grit and bricks and snatched roofs and rain, and it's all just a howl wrapped around a vaccuum.
can i quote from buffy? who will blame me?
Going Through the Motions
(Buffy) Every single night, the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I've been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.
I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering.
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn't mean a thing
(Henchman) She ain't got that swing.
(Buffy) -pause- Thanks for noticing.
(Demon & Henchmen) She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she's just going through the motions
Faking it somehow.
(Demon) She's not even half the girl she...owww! (dies)
(Buffy) Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.
(Handsome Young Man) How can I repay...
(Buffy) Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can't even see,
If this is really me,
And I just wanna be
alive...
it's been the worst summer, everything all messed up in my head and in my heart. summer's over now, and winter is breathing down my neck, i need to buy a coat, i need to pick up my sweaters from the dry cleaners. i need to breathe until my chest is full of air, but i can't take a breath.
i had a dream two nights ago that new york was taken over by zombies. a blond man discovered me, holding out, and brought me to a safe house, but as we got to the door, fleeing from these miserable creatures, he told me that he was sorry, but that he found me boring and depressing and that we has going to have to leave me outside. as the door closed in my face, i turned to face the zombies and they bore me down into their smell and slimy arms and started eating me alive, and then less so, until i was one of them.
isn't fall supposed to be cozy and filled with glowing orange light from windows and, i don't know, pumpkins and red leaves and the smell of cinnamon? i feel like i'm in the whirlwind with grit and bricks and snatched roofs and rain, and it's all just a howl wrapped around a vaccuum.
can i quote from buffy? who will blame me?
Going Through the Motions
(Buffy) Every single night, the same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.
I've been making shows of trading blows,
Just hoping no one knows,
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.
I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering.
Crawl out of your grave, you find this fight
Just doesn't mean a thing
(Henchman) She ain't got that swing.
(Buffy) -pause- Thanks for noticing.
(Demon & Henchmen) She is pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she's just going through the motions
Faking it somehow.
(Demon) She's not even half the girl she...owww! (dies)
(Buffy) Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.
(Handsome Young Man) How can I repay...
(Buffy) Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can't even see,
If this is really me,
And I just wanna be
alive...
8.09.2006
the sun is so bright today
the river broke it up in a million pieces
it makes me think of cracking ice chips between my teeth
and the way if huffs down from the sky
breathing light over all the sharp corners and the
near-white metal under chipped paint
this exterior brightness seems so temporary
and i think that i used to inhale days like this
the sky so high that it turns navy, and my eyes can't focus on it anymore
but that was before
and i don't trust them any longer
the light, the blue, the ice-chips of sun
animating beard stubble and blue eyes
animating the potato chip bags schooling in the breeze
but not animating me
in my heart i've always had the feeling
that the face of the world could fade or peel back
could be drunk and make you as big as everything,
like you could fade out into the universe
without fading out completely
but now i have learned fear,
because i've lost things i needed, and still need
and i know it can happen
even, or especially, on days like this
when my heart wants to throb and bump with love
but finds only ashes, remembers ashes,
and looks ahead to more ashes coming
omega, oh nothing, oh zero
the river broke it up in a million pieces
it makes me think of cracking ice chips between my teeth
and the way if huffs down from the sky
breathing light over all the sharp corners and the
near-white metal under chipped paint
this exterior brightness seems so temporary
and i think that i used to inhale days like this
the sky so high that it turns navy, and my eyes can't focus on it anymore
but that was before
and i don't trust them any longer
the light, the blue, the ice-chips of sun
animating beard stubble and blue eyes
animating the potato chip bags schooling in the breeze
but not animating me
in my heart i've always had the feeling
that the face of the world could fade or peel back
could be drunk and make you as big as everything,
like you could fade out into the universe
without fading out completely
but now i have learned fear,
because i've lost things i needed, and still need
and i know it can happen
even, or especially, on days like this
when my heart wants to throb and bump with love
but finds only ashes, remembers ashes,
and looks ahead to more ashes coming
omega, oh nothing, oh zero
7.26.2006
to be little again, or grown up
oh, make it stop
take back the gifts and set the clock
push back my hair, draw the curtains
sit beside me in a rocking chair
till i sleep
i have asked a hundred times: 'is it over yet'?
it never is
so turn down the sun and let the sky deepen to twilight
in the garden, garden lights come on at night
the sound of cicadas in the trees is like the breathing of the leaves
and the song of the ice-cream truck plays over and over
as it prowls the darkened streets
and screams and whoops wheel like bats against the street-lights
love me, love me more
take away the gray carpet and the falling ceiling, the glass elevator
quiet my heart, but let it keep beating
to meet the faces of the people i keep meeting
and speak, and find a way
love me so much that my hand reaches out and always finds an open hand
so much i can touch the people on the train platform and walk behind them
down the sidewalks of lexington avenue
without cursing the visitors and insulting the rest
love me so that i can be my best
at night, when the last lights go out
and the neighborhood dreams
let us climb down the fire-escape, leap the fences
let us find the best spot in the common garden and lie down
take my hand
we will watch the stars, and the clouds passing over the stars
after a while, we will fall asleep while the sky goes light
first the air paints us with dew, and then the sun laps it up
7.18.2006
bring on the ending
here is the world
and here is me
the world:
a thing on rails, but gone off them
the riot of midsummer
walking down the slope
into a pink spaghetti sunset
prone beside the a/c
exploding holes on towns and
crumbling in races
cracked in the forelocks
oars out of oarlocks
hobbled and addled
with awed faces
and me:
here is me, between
amazed, and trying to laugh
done, but game
here is me on the street
headphone music walking,
a song
connects ear to ear
connects breath and sound
ties together the first fallen leaves
which this tree puffs out and replaces
and the days of heat
in fall
and this is it,
this is the ending.
here is the world
and here is me
the world:
a thing on rails, but gone off them
the riot of midsummer
walking down the slope
into a pink spaghetti sunset
prone beside the a/c
exploding holes on towns and
crumbling in races
cracked in the forelocks
oars out of oarlocks
hobbled and addled
with awed faces
and me:
here is me, between
amazed, and trying to laugh
done, but game
here is me on the street
headphone music walking,
a song
connects ear to ear
connects breath and sound
ties together the first fallen leaves
which this tree puffs out and replaces
and the days of heat
in fall
and this is it,
this is the ending.
7.17.2006
7.10.2006
Modern Love, by David Bowie
I dont want to go out
I wont stay in
Get things done
I catch a paper boy
But things dont really change
Im standing in the wind
But I never wave bye-bye
But I try, I try
Theres no sign of life
Its just the power to charm
Im lying in the rain
But I never wave bye-bye
But I try, I try
Never gonna fall for
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - dont believe in modern love
Its not really work
Its just the power to charm
Im still standing in the wind
But I never wave bye bye
But I try, I try
Never gonna fall for
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - dont believe in modern love
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - I dont believe in modern love
Modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love
Modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love
Modern love - modern love, walks beside me
Modern love - modern love, walks on by
Modern love - modern love, walks beside me
Modern love - modern love, walks on by
Never gonna fall for
Never gonna fall for
I dont want to go out
I wont stay in
Get things done
I catch a paper boy
But things dont really change
Im standing in the wind
But I never wave bye-bye
But I try, I try
Theres no sign of life
Its just the power to charm
Im lying in the rain
But I never wave bye-bye
But I try, I try
Never gonna fall for
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - dont believe in modern love
Its not really work
Its just the power to charm
Im still standing in the wind
But I never wave bye bye
But I try, I try
Never gonna fall for
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - dont believe in modern love
Modern love - walks beside me
Modern love - walks on by
Modern love - gets me to the church on time
Church on time - terrifies me
Church on time - makes me party
Church on time - puts my trust in God and man
God and man - no confessions
God and man - no religion
God and man - I dont believe in modern love
Modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love
Modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love, modern love
Modern love - modern love, walks beside me
Modern love - modern love, walks on by
Modern love - modern love, walks beside me
Modern love - modern love, walks on by
Never gonna fall for
Never gonna fall for
Caritas said:
i killed my dignity
Caritas said:
it drowned
Caritas said:
can i have a funeral for it?
in vino veritas says:
how did you do that?
in vino veritas says:
can it be a viking funeral at sea?
Caritas says:
put the shreds of my dignity in a canoe?
Caritas says:
a longboat
in vino veritas says:
on a raft
Caritas says:
that's like buying a mansion for a paramecium
in vino veritas says:
send it to valhalla
Caritas says:
put it in a bottlecap
Caritas says:
and take a picture with an electron microscope
in vino veritas says:
where it can hunt wild boars with odin all day
Caritas says:
my paramecium of dignity hangs out with Howie Mandel
Caritas says:
it sleeps in a matchbox and eats roachbait
i killed my dignity
Caritas said:
it drowned
Caritas said:
can i have a funeral for it?
in vino veritas says:
how did you do that?
in vino veritas says:
can it be a viking funeral at sea?
Caritas says:
put the shreds of my dignity in a canoe?
Caritas says:
a longboat
in vino veritas says:
on a raft
Caritas says:
that's like buying a mansion for a paramecium
in vino veritas says:
send it to valhalla
Caritas says:
put it in a bottlecap
Caritas says:
and take a picture with an electron microscope
in vino veritas says:
where it can hunt wild boars with odin all day
Caritas says:
my paramecium of dignity hangs out with Howie Mandel
Caritas says:
it sleeps in a matchbox and eats roachbait
tequila busted
i went on a tequila bus a few weeks ago, sponsored by the nice folks at smartmoney.com for their clients, people like me who use big corporations' cash to buy advertising so said corporations can bank more cash. the affair consisted of meeting up at a swanky mexican restaurant, rosa mexicana, for hors d'ouevres and cocktails and then hopping on a 'tequila bus' (in the style of colombian 'chiva' buses, complete with hammocks and saddles and lots of burlap coffee sacks,) and drinking coronas/dancing to top 20 while being driven to a succession of less and less swanky mexican establishments. This ended badly at about 1am with me downing three shots of free patron silver and going home in a sulk after enjoying a little show performed on the bar by girls in Daisy Dukes and bikini tops at some bar on a corner of 10th ave. they set alcohol on fire and danced in the flames. i feel bad for Kali - cheap imitation is not the highest form of flattery.
it wasn't a great night.
i've learned a few things about myself. number one, i'm a sap. (okay, that was low-hanging fruit.) for another thing, i'm too old for this kind of thing. i felt stupid, waiting around all night, drinking half a drink at each bar, watching peeps get drunker and drunker and pairing up. and i went home alone, like pretty much always.
so the number three thing i learned? drink more, 'smart' less.
kali, bring it on.
i went on a tequila bus a few weeks ago, sponsored by the nice folks at smartmoney.com for their clients, people like me who use big corporations' cash to buy advertising so said corporations can bank more cash. the affair consisted of meeting up at a swanky mexican restaurant, rosa mexicana, for hors d'ouevres and cocktails and then hopping on a 'tequila bus' (in the style of colombian 'chiva' buses, complete with hammocks and saddles and lots of burlap coffee sacks,) and drinking coronas/dancing to top 20 while being driven to a succession of less and less swanky mexican establishments. This ended badly at about 1am with me downing three shots of free patron silver and going home in a sulk after enjoying a little show performed on the bar by girls in Daisy Dukes and bikini tops at some bar on a corner of 10th ave. they set alcohol on fire and danced in the flames. i feel bad for Kali - cheap imitation is not the highest form of flattery.
it wasn't a great night.
i've learned a few things about myself. number one, i'm a sap. (okay, that was low-hanging fruit.) for another thing, i'm too old for this kind of thing. i felt stupid, waiting around all night, drinking half a drink at each bar, watching peeps get drunker and drunker and pairing up. and i went home alone, like pretty much always.
so the number three thing i learned? drink more, 'smart' less.
kali, bring it on.
7.07.2006
you can do what you wish
if you forget about winning
if you can let go of wanting
but i know we never will
though we laugh in the dark
and i can dream your lectures away
when the sun comes up
every day is the same
we can reach out when we're liquored up
and come close when our eyes are closed
we can talk on the long walk home
and regret what we expose
they say hope is a rare bird
love is splendid
peace is a river you can never stand in twice
and life is slowly leaking away
6.23.2006
"I hear the bells" Mike Doughty
I hear the bells
Down in the canyon, it's
Snow in New York
Some blue December, I'm
Gone to the moon
Without you, girl, and I'm
Calling to you
Throughout the world and well I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and
I hear the bells
They are like emeralds, and
Glints in the night
Commas and ampersands
Your moony face
So inaccessible
Your inner mind
So inexpressible
I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and
I'm seeking girls
In sales and marketing
Let's go make out
Up in the balcony
Your business dress
So businesslike and I'm
Tossing the blouse
Over a chairback and
I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and
You snooze, you lose
Well I have snost and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
So fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and...
I hear the bells
Down in the canyon, it's
Snow in New York
Some blue December, I'm
Gone to the moon
Without you, girl, and I'm
Calling to you
Throughout the world and well I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and
I hear the bells
They are like emeralds, and
Glints in the night
Commas and ampersands
Your moony face
So inaccessible
Your inner mind
So inexpressible
I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and
I'm seeking girls
In sales and marketing
Let's go make out
Up in the balcony
Your business dress
So businesslike and I'm
Tossing the blouse
Over a chairback and
I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and
You snooze, you lose
Well I have snost and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
So fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and I can
Hear the bells are
Ringing joyful and triumphant and...
6.21.2006
cold, cold heart
“Heather Duke underlined a lot of things in this copy of Moby Dick, but I believe the word ‘Eskimo’,
underlined all by itself, is the key to understanding Heather's pain. On the surface, Heather Duke was the vivacious young lady we all knew her to be, but her soul was in Antarctica!
…We'll all miss Sherwood’s little Eskimo. Let’s just hope she's rubbing noses with Jesus!”
-"Heathers"
underlined all by itself, is the key to understanding Heather's pain. On the surface, Heather Duke was the vivacious young lady we all knew her to be, but her soul was in Antarctica!
…We'll all miss Sherwood’s little Eskimo. Let’s just hope she's rubbing noses with Jesus!”
-"Heathers"
6.20.2006
6.19.2006
for a winter
here comes the finger-biter
and the shadowy chauffeur,
the dark driver in a black car
cyanide gas wafts from the dashboard vents
sarin, phosgene, chlorine, agent 3, agent 15
the tires leave black scars
down the road
over the hills
the beach is a waste
the weeds are dead
and bow their heads
but the news hasn't reached our sponsors yet
so the launch is still on
slender waiters prowl the red velvet banquettes
but cobwebs are already growing up in the shadows
the end is past, and now it's catching up to us
mountain lions prowl the canyons
bears lurk in the woods
there's a flasher in the supermarket parking-lot
whose every bite confers disease
we missed the hymns
of the hobos living in the trees
and you can't sing
about tubercles and ringworm
shingles and rabies
in the friends’ cemetery
the leaves are turning to powder beneath my feet
the branches poke from the earth
like fingers deducted by the finger-biter
plastic bags fly by on every gust,
the brightest things in sight
and there is nothing left of us
here comes the finger-biter
and the shadowy chauffeur,
the dark driver in a black car
cyanide gas wafts from the dashboard vents
sarin, phosgene, chlorine, agent 3, agent 15
the tires leave black scars
down the road
over the hills
the beach is a waste
the weeds are dead
and bow their heads
but the news hasn't reached our sponsors yet
so the launch is still on
slender waiters prowl the red velvet banquettes
but cobwebs are already growing up in the shadows
the end is past, and now it's catching up to us
mountain lions prowl the canyons
bears lurk in the woods
there's a flasher in the supermarket parking-lot
whose every bite confers disease
we missed the hymns
of the hobos living in the trees
and you can't sing
about tubercles and ringworm
shingles and rabies
in the friends’ cemetery
the leaves are turning to powder beneath my feet
the branches poke from the earth
like fingers deducted by the finger-biter
plastic bags fly by on every gust,
the brightest things in sight
and there is nothing left of us
6.16.2006
Maria Taylor, "Song Beneath The Song"
Cryptic words meander
Now there is a song beneath the song
One day you'll learn
You'll soon discern its true meaning
An interesting detachment
A listless poem of love sincere
Desire, despair
Overlapping melodies
And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
Oh now the roots are reminiscing
Recurring dreams of minor chords
Metred time
Muted chimes find the beat
And in the pulse there lies conviction
A steady push and pull routine
The cymbals swell
High notes flail into reach
And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love,It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
Cryptic words meander
Now there is a song beneath the song
One day you'll learn
You'll soon discern its true meaning
An interesting detachment
A listless poem of love sincere
Desire, despair
Overlapping melodies
And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
Oh now the roots are reminiscing
Recurring dreams of minor chords
Metred time
Muted chimes find the beat
And in the pulse there lies conviction
A steady push and pull routine
The cymbals swell
High notes flail into reach
And it's not a love, it's not a love
It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love,It's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
It's not a love, it's not a love, it's not a love song
6.13.2006
McChocolatey says:
when are we going to get together and talk budget? I promise to be good, unless you aren't...
Snost and lost says:
haaa
Snost and lost says:
i'm better than good
Snost and lost says:
i'm a freaking ANGEL.
McChocolatey says:
one could dispute that
Snost and lost says:
for realz
McChocolatey says:
you are too good
Snost and lost says:
well, you know, it's an occupational hazard
McChocolatey says:
wear a hard hat then
Snost and lost says:
i'm not sure hardhats prevent excessive awesomeness, but thanks for the interesting suggestion...
Snost and lost says:
maybe EVERYONE ELSE should wear hardhats
Snost and lost says:
or
Snost and lost says:
er
Snost and lost says:
hard
Snost and lost says:
um
Snost and lost says:
pants?
Snost and lost says:
HARDPANTS!
McChocolatey says:
wow, I just got a crazy image in my head
Snost and lost says:
that's one of my superpowers.
when are we going to get together and talk budget? I promise to be good, unless you aren't...
Snost and lost says:
haaa
Snost and lost says:
i'm better than good
Snost and lost says:
i'm a freaking ANGEL.
McChocolatey says:
one could dispute that
Snost and lost says:
for realz
McChocolatey says:
you are too good
Snost and lost says:
well, you know, it's an occupational hazard
McChocolatey says:
wear a hard hat then
Snost and lost says:
i'm not sure hardhats prevent excessive awesomeness, but thanks for the interesting suggestion...
Snost and lost says:
maybe EVERYONE ELSE should wear hardhats
Snost and lost says:
or
Snost and lost says:
er
Snost and lost says:
hard
Snost and lost says:
um
Snost and lost says:
pants?
Snost and lost says:
HARDPANTS!
McChocolatey says:
wow, I just got a crazy image in my head
Snost and lost says:
that's one of my superpowers.
"During those rare moments I find myself feeling uneasy about the course of the war on terror, I take consolation by looking back at America's unconditional victories in our two previous crusades against abstractions -- the war on poverty and the war on drugs. "
-Stephen Amidon, Salon.com
-Stephen Amidon, Salon.com
