ZIT PROLIFERATION, ROCKER TYLER FEARED LOST
Dateline, Park Slope Brooklyn, 12:41:00pm

In an unexpected and troubling twist in the ongoing catastrophe, a second massive pimple has cropped up due west of the original location, prompting experts on the scene to speculate that some kind of environmental barrier has finally been crossed, starting a chain-reaction that will eventually put an end to any hope of being spared from runaway dermal degeneration and the humuliation of having enormous chin tusks.

In related news, no one has seen or heard from Steven Tyler since the rocker's press conference yesterday afternoon. His friends and family have gathered to urge city officials to seek the missing musician despite the dangerously unstable conditions of the pre-eruption area around what is now being called "site one." Under increasingly grim circumstances, this reporter has only this advice to share with the public, imploring everyone out there to exfoliate daily, moisturize lightly, and pray. May God have mercy on us all.

Back to you in the studio.