1.30.2004

-----Original Message-----
From: Evans, Richard J
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2004 12:20 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: I should have had the corn chowder

-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Friday, January 30, 2004 12:21 PM
To: Evans, Richard J
Subject: suckerrrr

it's delish. haha.


1.28.2004

word to that
pseudodictionary hopes you use your increased knowledge for the forces of good

refresh away.

hathos - the taking of pleasure or joy in despising something.

e.g., That Styx concert footage was pure hathos.






1.27.2004

In the business, this is what we refer to as 'T.P.M.O.'

ok?

rain pours from yellow clouds
that wreath the skyscrapers of downtown

it's white white day
in the wrong way
the augurs tell me to swim hard
against the wind and the leaves
and the purely driven snow
no hidden agendas
though nelson and robert
used to tell me
that when signs point to no
turn off the alarm and
go back to bed kid
but i can't seem to
put these livers and feathers
and tarnished knives
and reams of paper
punched through up the sides
to sleep

it's not just me. everyone hates Diane Sawyer.

this one's my favorite:
"Rebecca Traister's deconstruction of Judy Steinberg Dean's media unveiling was dead-on -- except for failing to note that it might be more apt to tattoo "cold careerist bitch" across Diane Sawyer's furrowed brow.

Sawyer, whose ladder-climbing tendencies have been matched only by her eagerness to hold out for more money, acted as if she had just landed Earth's first interview with an alien life form: a woman who believes in her work, who relishes being a mother and a wife, and who dares to remain true to herself.

Judging from the look on Sawyer's face, Steinberg Dean did not respond with words but by smiting her interlocutor with a croquet mallet. What gives? Our culture celebrates a woman's independence ... right up until that woman's husband runs for public office. Let's see: You can either work a job you love and dote on your teenage son, or you can subject yourself to relentlessly insipid questions posed by vacuous media hacks who wonder whether you really have the right kind of hairstyle to be first lady. Which would you choose?"



1.23.2004

Bob Keeshan, Who Played Captain Kangaroo on TV, Is Dead at 76
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: January 23, 2004


Filed at 1:41 p.m. ET

QUECHEE, Vt. (AP) -- Bob Keeshan, who gently entertained and educated generations of children as television's walrus-mustachioed Captain Kangaroo, died Friday at 76.

Keeshan died of a long illness, his family said in a statement.

Keeshan's ``Captain Kangaroo'' debuted on CBS television in 1955 and ran for 30 years before moving to public television for six more. The program was wildly popular among children and won six Emmy Awards, three Gabriels and three Peabody Awards.

The format was simple: Each day, Captain Kangaroo, with his sugar-bowl haircut and uniform coat, would wander through his Treasure House, chatting with his good friend Mr. Green Jeans, played by Hugh ``Lumpy'' Brannum.

He would visit with puppet animals, like Bunny Rabbit, who was scolded for eating too many carrots, and Mr. Moose, who loved to tell knock-knock jokes.

But the show revolved about the grandfatherly Captain Kangaroo, whose name was inspired by the kangaroo pouch-like pockets of the coat Keeshan wore.

``I was impressed with the potential positive relationship between grandparents and grandchildren, so I chose an elderly character,'' Keeshan said.


1.22.2004

whooah! teeny tiny midget cows



boy, do i hope they're getting 100% vegetarian feed.

thank you, Alert Reader Erik!

1.21.2004

i got a six percent pay increase just now.

big boss: "well, don't spend it all in one place"
vanessa: "do you think they can give it to me in a lump-sum?"
big boss: "heh"

he's actually a really, really nice guy. anyway i smiled a lot, and said 'my pleasure,' and asked for constructive criticism.



-----Original Message-----
From: King mOrgan [mailto:Iworkw/KingMorgan.com]
Sent: Wednesday, January 21, 2004 1:44 AM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: IRS

G. should understand that trying to make them recognize him as a decent human who in turn recognizes that they are decent humans (who simply have unpopular jobs) is indeed problematic at best. What he really wants is for them to decide to simply move on to less complicated prey. Instead of a seven page letter expressing mutual respect, a shoe box with a dead hamster inside and a note that says "Unlike this hamster, my love for you will never die."

.m

1.20.2004

wow. someone is trying to kill Stephen Hawking. that's messed up.
also, hello, Munchausen Sydrome by Proxy. That's a new one.

Police Probe 'Assault' on Scientist Stephen Hawking
Mon Jan 19, 8:49 AM ET Add Top Stories - Reuters to My Yahoo!


By Astrid Zweynert

LONDON (Reuters) - British police are investigating an alleged assault on scientist Stephen Hawking, the disabled cosmologist and author of the best-selling "A Brief History of Time."

Detectives want to question Hawking about a number of minor injuries he recently suffered.
A Cambridgeshire Police spokeswoman said Monday detectives were probing allegations that the university professor had been assaulted.

"Police are investigating an allegation of assault on a 62-year-old man from Cambridge," the spokeswoman said, declining to give further details.

Hawking, Lucasian professor of mathematics at Cambridge University, is confined to a wheelchair after contracting motor neurone disease, a muscle-wasting condition, when he was 21. He can only speak through a computerized voice synthesizer.

The Daily Mirror reported Monday that Hawking's three children feared he might be the victim of someone suffering from Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, a disease where sufferers harm others to draw attention to themselves.

"The family are worried sick. They've been suspicious for some time that someone has been harming Stephen," an unnamed source told the newspaper.

The inquiry was triggered when nursing staff contacted police last summer after the professor was left stranded in his wheelchair in the garden of his home on the hottest day of the year and suffered severe heatstroke and sunburn, the Mirror said.

Hawking, 62, achieved international prominence in 1988 with A Brief History of Time, which examined the origin of the universe and was translated into 30 languages.

*thanks for the update, astrid...*
Tuesday morning after a three-day weekend, or

Hello world:

hello world indeed
it's a good thing there's singing
otherwise my garbage hands
might tire of making garbage stands
and walk me back to the hunting lands
where buffalo and yarmeluke play at arabesques in the tall grass
and no one lacks for peace of mind
until the cowbops who come on a big black train
return to teach us spelling and deportment

1.13.2004

Reading about BSE and prions and came across this incredibly alarming condition:
Fatal Familial Insomnia

"Fatal familial insomnia is a genetic disease, due to a specific mutation in the PrPc gene. However, the disease can occur spontaneously, without a mutation. This form is called sporadic fatal insomnia. Fatal familial insomnia and sporadic fatal insomnia differ from other prion diseases because they affect predominantly one area of the brain, the thalamus, which influences sleep.

The disease usually begins between the ages of 40 and 60 but may begin in a person's late 30s. Most often, it runs in families. At first, people may have minor difficulties falling asleep and occasional problems with muscle movements. Eventually, they lose the ability to sleep. Other changes include muscle twitching, rapid heart rate, and dementia. Death usually occurs after about 7 to 36 months of illness. No treatment is available."

-The Merck Manual, Second Home Edition
>From: "Soto, Vanessa B"
>To: "Erik"
>Subject: eBay item 3266395901 (Ends Jan-17-04 180641 PST) - JESUS LORD
>DIVINE MERCY THRO
>Date: Tue, 13 Jan 2004 14:30:59 -0500

JESUS LORD DIVINE MERCY THRO-O-Oh God, It's HIDEOUS!



-----Original Message-----
From: Erik
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 2:41 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: RE: eBay item 3266395901 (Ends Jan-17-04 180641 PST) - JESUS
LORD DIVINE MERCY T


So jesus can shoot both a heat ray and an ice ray from his chest?
Awesome...


-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 2:46 PM
To: Rick; Tanya; Scott; Erik
Subject: RE: eBay item 3266395901 (Ends Jan-17-04 180641 PST) - JESUS
LORD DIVINE MERCY T


"jesus, i trust in you...
not to freeze or fricasee me with your nifty laser-beams"

-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 2:53 PM
To: Rick; Tanya; Scott; Erik
Subject: RE: eBay item 3266395901 (Ends Jan-17-04 180641 PST) - JESUS
LORD DIVINE MERCY T


Celebrity Death Match: Jesus v. Sensitive '00s guy

Heaven protect us


1.06.2004

-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:16 PM
To: Scott, Rick
Subject: um, coooool!

you guys want to buy a bunker? we can get it cheap on eBay!

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:24 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B; Scott
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

Its the perfect place to start my monastery. I see whole curved walls covered in hair shirts.


-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:25 PM
To: Rick
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

aggggh. take me there. maybe alternating hot and cold plunge-pools and brown bread and beer.


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:26 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

no women allowed in the monastery. we'd have to create a nunnery wing. With no access between the two, of course.


-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:27 PM
To: Rick
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

i guess, but sorry, that's just no funnery.


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:29 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

Ummm.... right. That would be consistent with the hair shirt thing.


-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:32 PM
To: Rick
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

i give your monastery two weeks before the hair shirts need shampooing and the fridge smells like cheese.
also, and contradictionally, it is a sexist, exclusive monastery that violates my Constitutional rights, and i'm taking this to the Supreme Court.


-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:34 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

I'll sit on my separation of church and state rights, unless the nuns are offering to do the laundry and the cooking. Then maybe we can work something out.


-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:35 PM
To: Rick
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

chauvinist!

it will not stand- what kind of religion is this?

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:39 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

Its a secret idea under development - but something really patriarchal and misogynistic. Heavy doses of St. Augustine, sprinkled with some Southern Baptist and Taliban. Good times.

-----Original Message-----
From: Soto, Vanessa B
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:39 PM
To: Rick
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

clean your own fridge!

-----Original Message-----
From: Rick
Sent: Tuesday, January 06, 2004 12:40 PM
To: Soto, Vanessa B
Subject: RE: um, coooool!

mmmm.... cheese....

1.05.2004

Remind me never ever again to date anyone I work with? Thanks.

-----Original Message-----
From: Vanessa
Sent: Monday, January 05, 2004 9:47 AM
To: Tanya
Subject:

kill meeeeeee

-----Original Message-----
From: Tanya
Sent: Monday, January 05, 2004 9:52 AM
To: Vanessa
Subject: RE:

Boom....

riddle of the day: i hate time


Last night I dreamt that I was in the kitchen of my parents' house holding hands with my friend Morgan. I decided to have some strawberry ice cream, and grabbed it from the freezer. As I was eating it out of the carton, I opened the top cupboards to get a dish, but instead, my ex-boyfriend Scott was sitting up there like it was the most normal thing in the world, grinning like he never did in real life. I tried to leave the kitchen, but when I did, I realized that it wasn't in the house anymore. It was just a box containing a room, which sat on some very very high tracks in the path of a monorail.

.................

I broke up with my boyfriend again. This time for good. What a New Years'. Eugh.